EXORCISM. (2014) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

exorcism 2

EXORCISM. (2014) SINISTER HOUSE FILMS. WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LANCE PATRICK. MAKE-UP EFFECTS BY NATALIA CYBULSKA AND ALEXA DAISY SEABORNE. STARRING ALEX RENDALL, AISLING KNIGHT, SARAH AKEHURST AND LEE AKEHURST.

REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

This is a terrible film. I really must stop buying DVDs just because they have the words ‘exorcism’ or ‘exorcist’ in the titles, haha. It’s just that I’m so keen to see more films along the lines of ‘The Exorcist,’ but there are times when these seem a bit thin on the ground, sadly.

This was a real stinker anyway, no offence to the film-makers. I normally try never to tear anyone’s efforts down as I always feel that everyone’s vision for their own art is as valid as anyone else’s, but this movie is a mess. The idea behind it is a good one, it just falls down in the execution.

The plot in a nutshell is this. A group of mouthy, not-very-likeable English young people make their way in their van to an empty house in the desolate countryside in the middle of the night. They’re planning to make a film about an exorcism that supposedly took place in the house back in the early ‘Sixties. A priest did a botched job on the exorcism and was never seen again. Neither was the demon. Until now…

Annoying, there were no subtitles on the film and some of the actors’ mumbling was virtually indecipherable, so I only gleaned this latter bit of essential information from the back of the box.

Anyway, as soon as they get inside the house, weird stuff starts happening immediately and the actors and crew start dying in ‘mysterious’ ways. Mercifully, you might say in some cases…! Rob the director is a gobby nightmare. Ash the lead actress is a squeaky, screechy cow. Kate is a mopey, cranky buzzkill.

I liked Chris the behind-the-scenes cameraman and Jo the busty make-up lady but that’s about it. (These two have the same surname, by the way, so they might be brother and sister or summat like that.) The ghost or whatever it is in the house can take the rest of ’em as far as I’m concerned. He or she is welcome to them, heh-heh-heh. As I said, they’re not a very nice bunch of people.

Captions appear on-screen regularly throughout the film but some of them don’t seem to make much sense and some of them are actually mis-spelled. Is there any excuse for that?

The film seems to be trying to copy various other horror films as well, like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, REC and THE EXORCIST itself. Normally, I’d consider this to be a fitting tribute to great movies that came before but, in this case, the film is such a chaotic mess that I won’t make my usual comments.

Putting on the old greenish night-vision and painting black circles around ‘possessed’ people’s eyes to indicate said possession can undoubtedly be scary when it’s done right but it doesn’t really work here. Ditto tying a possessed woman to a bed and making a supposedly ‘demonic’ voice come out of her mouth. Oh dear oh dear. Was there nothing in this film that actually worked…?

Well, it’s only an hour and a quarter long, that’s good. Also, I liked the bit about the group’s van-driver finding their camera and playing their footage back in the safety of his own gaff, only to find that something monstrous has followed him home, that bit was good. But then they had to go and ruin it with another bit, the bit about the snow, which made only about as much sense as anything else in the film. Sorry, guys…!

EXORCISM is a lazy, lazy title. And the bit with the ‘possessed’ priest chasing screechy Ash through the woods, occasionally popping up to say ‘Boo!’ and then apparently running away again before re-appearing again a few seconds later was hilariously bad. Why can’t he catch her…? She’s right there. What’s wrong with him…? Seriously, he’s a really stupid and incompetent possessed priest.

Like I said, it was a great idea but poorly-executed and, dare I say it, even poorly acted and scripted. It could have been a much better, tighter film but it wasn’t, so there you go. Oh boy. This is the meanest review of a film I’ve ever penned. I’m normally much nicer about people’s efforts but this film was just a disaster.

Still, an interesting new side of myself has opened up suddenly. I didn’t know I could be so deliciously bitchy, haha. At this rate, I could stand in for Simon Cowell on the judging panel of X FACTOR if he ever gets the sniffles or stubs his big toe and can’t make it into work. I’d better go give the show a call right away and let ’em know I’m available, there’s probably a waiting list…

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens’ fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra’s books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

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