YOU GET ME. (2017) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

YOU GET ME. (2017) DIRECTED BY BRENT BONACORSO. STARRING BELLA THORNE, HALSTON SAGE AND TAYLOR JOHN SMITH.

REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

I absolutely loved this Netflix romantic thriller, even though most of its reviews seem to be negative. Don’t believe everything the critics tell you, though. Sometimes critics are film snobs and turn their noses up at things they think are beneath them.

I think this film is a perfectly acceptable addition to the canon of steamy why-won’t-she-leave-me-alone-is-she-fucking-mad-or-what thrillers. It’s like FATAL ATTRACTION or PLAY MISTY FOR ME for teens, or SWIMFAN, which is already aimed at high school kids. These films all conform to a certain formula. I don’t mind this at all, as I love the formula.

Hot guy breaks up with girl or is separated from her somehow for a night or two. Guy meets mysterious sexy hot new girl and has sex with her. Guy comes to his senses next morning and tells girl, thanks for the sex but I must be going now. Back he goes to regular girlfriend, who welcomes him back with open arms… and legs.

But guess who turns up unexpectedly (seriously though, the only one not expecting to see her again is the stupid Hot Guy!) and refuses to let Hot Guy go? That’s right. Mysterious hot new girl. And now she’s obsessed with Hot Guy and keeps showing up everywhere he goes. Hot Guy is at his wit’s end. He’s gonna have to confess to regular girlfriend What He Did Last Summer, etc.

This is exactly what happens in YOU GET ME. Tyler is the hot beach bum blonde surf god who dumps his girlfriend Alison at a party when he finds out that she’s put out for other guys but is making him wait for sex with her. Her prerogative, I would have thought…!

A hot girl called Holly, a new girl in town, is only too happy to take poor lonely Tyler home to her step-mother’s magnificent (but soulless!) all-white beach house. Or beach mansion, I should say. They have wild, uninhibited beach house sex, and the next day Tyler barely knows which end is up.

He says ta-ra, love, to Holly and gets back with Alison immediately. But imagine his horror when Holly turns up at his school as the new girl, and immediately starts inveigling herself into his and Alison’s- and their friends’- lives...

Everyone else, including Alison, loves Holly, she’s such fun! But Tyler knows something isn’t right. Just what is Holly planning, and exactly how far is she prepared to go with her campaign of terror against Tyler…? It’s fantastic stuff. If you’re in any way like me, you’ll lap it up off the shag-pile with a bendy straw.

FATAL AFFAIR (2020) is another Netflix erotic thriller I was watching recently. It has exactly the same plot as YOU GET ME, except for one or two points. The white dopey school-age teens have been replaced with affluent black adults, in particular Ellie and Marcus Warren and their college-age daughter, Brittany.

The big twist here is that it’s the man, an old acquaintance of Ellie’s called David Hammond, who’s doing the stalking this time, which makes an interesting change. He sees Ellie again after a number of years, clocks how hot, sexy and together she is and says to himself, that’s nice, yeah, baby, I’ll have me a piece of that.

But Ellie is not just going to let her life be ruined by David, a man with secrets and a dark past that would surely be of interest to any woman planning to date him and unknowingly take him under false pretences to a lunch at Ellie and Marcus’s beach house, ie, Ellie’s best friend, Courtney. Let’s hope Courtney has the nouse to emerge unscathed…

I don’t know why so many quite good directors feel the need to give their films such terrible bland titles. Don’t they want their films to stand out, or what? Just look at these titles, every one a FATAL ATTRACTION rip-off. Would you believe, I have every single one of these films on DVD? I have a good eye for these little gems.

1.    FATAL AFFAIR.
2.    FATAL INSTINCT.
3.    BASICALLY AN INSTINCTIVE AFFAIR.
4.    FATALLY OBSESSED.
5.    A FATAL OBSESSION.
6.    OBSESSIVELY FATAL.
7.    OBSESSIVELY FATAL AFFAIR.
8.    A BASIC AFFAIR; that is, no frills!
9.    BASICALLY, D’YOU WANNA HAVE AN AFFAIR OR WHAT?
10.  DANGEROUS LIES.
11.  DANGEROUS AFFAIR.
12.  DANGEROUS INSTINCTS.
13.  INSTINCTIVELY DANGEROUS AFFAIR.
14.  DANGEROUS ATTRACTION.
15.  TELL ME LIES.
16.  DON’T TELL ME LIES, I WAS PISSED WHEN I SAID THAT.
17.  WHAT A SIMPLY SPLENDID AFFAIR!
18.  SINGLE WHITE STALKER.
19.  FATALLY STALKED.
20.  FATAL FATALITIES.
21.  OBSESSIVELY STALKED.
22.  OBSESSIVE STALKER.
23.  DANGEROUS STALKER.
24.  JOHN STALKER: THE NUMBER ONE BESTSELLER. (How the Charles Dickens did this one sneak in here?)
25.  FATALLY BASIC INFIDELITY.
26.  BASICALLY FATAL INFIDELITY.
27.  DANGEROUS INFIDELITY.
28.  PLAY FATAL ATTRACTION FOR ME.
29.  PLAY FATAL OBSESSION FOR ME.
30.  CHEAT AND YOU FUCKIN’ DIE.
31.  CHEATING FUCKERS MUST DIE.
32.  CHEATING FUCKERS ALWAYS DIE.
33.  FATALLY UNFAITHFUL.
34.  BASICALLY UNFAITHFUL.
35.  DANGEROUSLY UNFAITHFUL.
36.  YOURS UNFAITHFULLY.
37.  UNFAITHFULLY YOURS.
38.  FATALLY LOVED.
39.  DANGEROUS LOVE.
40.  BASICALLY, AN INSTINCTIVE KIND OF LOVE.
41.  UNFAITHFUL LOVE.
42.  ADULTEROUS LOVE.
43.  FATAL KISSES.
44.  FATALLY KISSED.
45.  UNFAITHFUL KISSES.
46.  ADULTEROUS KISSES.
47.  INSTINCTIVE KISSES.
48.  DANGEROUS KISSES.
49.  A LOVER KISSED.
50.  DID YOU JUST KISS HER, YOU CHEATING FUCKER?

Hey, we made it to fifty, go, us! You can see what I mean, though, can’t you? ‘Tis desperate altogether. It’s almost as if someone says of the title of the movie, ‘nah, that’s too good, too original, we don’t want to lose the run of ourselves. We’re not trying to stand out here. Let’s make it a little more generic, shall we? Make the film a little harder to find online and in general.

‘Stick the word fatal in there somewhere? Maybe affair as well? That’s an idea. What about FATAL AFFAIR? Hey, looks like we’ve hit the jackpot with this one. Everyone in favour, raise your hands. Looks like a full house to me. Now, onto more important things. Chinese or Indian for the take-out…? Warren, you’re elected, buddy! Don’t you be fucking up my order like you did last time.’

Ah, you get the gist. I loved YOU GET ME, and FATAL AFFAIR was good too. Check them both out on Netflix, but not the way you’d check a library book out of the library. It doesn’t work like that. I know. I’ve tried it. Over and out.

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
 
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, poet, short story writer and film and book blogger. She has studied Creative Writing and Vampirology. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, women’s fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra’s books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
Her new book, THIRTEEN STOPS EARLIER, is out now from Poolbeg Books:
https://amzn.to/3ulKWkv