BOOK CLUB. (2018) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

BOOK CLUB. (2018) WRITTEN BY BILL HOLDERMAN AND ERIN SIMMS. DIRECTED BY BILL HOLDERMAN.
STARRING DIANE KEATON, JANE FONDA, CANDICE BERGEN AND MARY STEENBURGEN.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

‘The next chapter is always the best.’

‘I want to have sex…!’

Wow. If you like films about elderly ladies sitting around talking about how they haven’t had sex in years and years and years, then, boy, do I have a film for you, lol. Four women have been friends and have attended a monthly book club for a staggering forty years, bonding over the books and developing really close friendships.

All the cliches about women’s book clubs are here, and are all also completely true. Drinking copious amounts of wine and snacking at the meetings, held in each other’s houses on a rotating basis. Minimal chatting about the book, as they are mostly using the opportunity to bitch about their husbands, living and deceased, and complain about the lack of sex in their lives or, if they’re still lucky enough to be having it, the poor quality of said nookie.

Diane Keaton plays Diane, recently widowed and with two grown-up daughters (one is played by a well-preserved Alicia Silverstone), who treat her like she has one foot in the grave, and is too senile to be let out on her own, which is ridiculous. Andy Garcia plays the millionaire pilot who’s trying to tempt her into a relationship, if her two daughters can ease up on the helicopter parenting for a minute.

Jane Fonda, still looking ridiculously sexy, plays Vivian, a successful, hotel-owning businesswoman who still has plenty of sex but who fears real love and commitment. If BOOK CLUB is SEX AND THE CITY meets THE GOLDEN GIRLS, which is what it feels like, then Vivian is the Samantha character and the Blanche character respectively. Don Johnson of MIAMI VICE fame plays the love of her life who can’t seem to get her to admit that she has feelings of similar depth for him as he undoubtedly has for her.

Candice Bergen is Federal Court Judge Sharon, who’s been divorced from Ed Begley Jr.’s character for eighteen years. Sharon hasn’t had sex since they split up, whereas ex-hubby Tom has a hot new blonde young girlfriend called Cheryl, to whom he’s engaged. The nerve of him. After all those years. After all she’s done for him…

Sharon decides to find love on a dating website. The first bloke lining up to be a hot lunch when she bangs the dinner gong is Richard Dreyfuss as George (Geddit??? See what I did there???), followed by Wallace Shawn from THE PRINCESS BRIDE as the diminutive Derek. Dating websites can be a bit hit-and-miss. Do they have what it takes to re-animate Sharon’s ‘lethargic pussy…?’ Hey, I’m only repeating what the vet in the movie said, lol.

Mary Steenburgen as Carol is happily married for donkey’s years to Craig T. Nelson’s Bruce. (COACH, POLTERGEISTS 1&2, STIR CRAZY, etc.) The recently retired Coach- I mean, Bruce- hasn’t wanted to have sex in ages, though, and Carol is really feeling the pinch.

Which do you think will work better to liven things up in the bedroom, slipping Viagra into Bruce’s drink without his knowledge or consent, or conducting a frank and honest conversation about where they’re at in their lives now that Bruce has retired and is, quite literally, feeling redundant in his own life…? I think you can probably guess the answer to that one, folks.

By the way, I’m not forgetting to mention that E.L. James’s erotic trilogy FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, FIFTY SHADES DARKER and FIFTY SHADES FREED is the reason that all four women suddenly start questioning their stagnant, unfulfilling or non-existent sex lives and whether or not they’ve been settling for much less than they deserve in the bedroom.

When Vivian brings along the books to their monthly club, they snigger and titter and protest a bit, but quickly they become immersed in the story of the sexual awakening of college student Anastasia Steele at the confident and masterful hands of billionaire Christian Grey, and it helps them to realise that, unless they put in a bit of effort themselves, their own lady-parts might become mere ‘caves of forgotten dreams,’ as one of the four ladies so succinctly puts it at one of their meetings.

E.L. James herself puts in a cameo appearance at one point, alongside her real-life husband Niall Leonard. The physical books can be seen in the film, with the familiar attractive covers, but actual references to their contents are light enough, hence the film’s rather surprising 12’s rating.

Older women will probably love the film and think it speaks to them. There’s an all-star cast that viewers will enjoy, especially as the female leads in particular all still look exceptionally well for their ages. Mary Steenburgen’s black hair and red dress, when she’s dancing on stage for her fund-raiser, makes her look like a splendidly joyful Kate Bush, my heroine.

Sadly, the film will probably just reinforce men’s notions that all women of any age ever want or need to be happy and fulfilled is a jolly good seeing-to, and that older women in particular, when they become too baggy and saggy to attract bees to their honey, are gagging for it all the time.

Oh, and any older women will be desperately grateful for a shag, if you’ll excuse my French. Bit unflattering, that notion that women can’t live happily without regular cock- excuse my French again- and that all women are just slaves to the Almighty Penis, but it’s hardly a new idea, I suppose.

No wonder so many blokes have inflated notions of their own importance. I have a willy, therefore I am a Master of the Universe. Sigh. Watch out for the sequel, anyway, which is meant to be coming out this year, God-and-Covid willing. That’s literally all I can say about this movie, lol. There is no more to add. Stay safe and keep warm, and ta-ra for a bit.

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, poet, short story writer and film and book blogger. She has studied Creative Writing and Vampirology. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, women’s fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra’s books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO

Her debut romantic fiction novel, ‘THIRTEEN STOPS,’ is out now from Poolbeg Books:

The sequel, ‘THIRTEEN STOPS LATER,’ is out now from Poolbeg Books:

FIFTY FILTHY-DIRTY SEX-POEMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE I DIE… BY SANDRA HARRIS.

Featured Image -- 1602
A collection of short, rude funny sex-poems. No stone left unturned in this hilariously bitchy and wickedly honest look at sex today. No, that’s it, nothing else. Just sex. Well, maybe a few bizarre fetishes, but that’s still just sex, isn’t it…? We’ll go with sex. Let’s just say sex. This book is about sex. It’s a sex-book…!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OABATWO

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.

Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.

She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:

sandrasandraharris@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/SandraHarrisPureFilthPoetry

https://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

http://sexysandieblog.wordpress.com

http://serenaharker.wordpress.com

https://twitter.com/SandraAuthor

FIFTY FILTHY-DIRTY SEX-POEMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE I DIE… BY SANDRA HARRIS.

FIFTY FILTHY COVER

DO YOU LIKE SHORT RUDE POEMS ABOUT BOOBIES, WILLIES, KINKY SEX, BIZARRE FETISHES, WANKING, SPANKING, THREESOMES, BOOTY CALLS, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY AND FANCYING THE ARSE OFF CRISTIANO RONALDO…? YOU DO…? THEN BUY MY BOOK, FOOL…!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OABATWO