THE BLOODY JUDGE. (1970) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS.

THE BLOODY JUDGE. (1970) DIRECTED AND CO-WRITTEN BY JESUS FRANCO.

PRODUCED BY HARRY ALAN TOWERS.

MUSIC BY BRUCE NICOLAI.

STARRING CHRISTOPHER LEE, LEO GENN, MARIA ROHM, MILO QUESADA AND HOWARD VERNON.

REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

I loved this robust seventeenth century romp, despite its being a tiny bit of a mess. It’s not really sure whether it’s a war film, a biopic of Judge Jeffries, an erotic nudie film, a film about a witch-finder or a film about the Inquisition.

Instead, it ends up being a mish-mash of all of these things, with the flavour of five different countries to boot, thanks to the tendency of the producer, Harry Alan Towers, to involve a load of different countries in the money-gathering stage of production, thus making this movie an Anglo-American-German-Spanish-French-Italian co-production. There’s a mouthful for you. It might explain, however, why the spoken dialogue in the film switched three times to angry-sounding German without warning…!

The magnificent Christopher Lee, renowned Hammer Horror actor most commonly identified with the role of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, is the main character here, the titular ‘Bloody Judge.’

He’s only about forty-eight here and looks ridiculously handsome and stern, playing that cold, austere disciplinarian and authority figure he’s portrayed so well and so often during his long and prolific career.

He’s based on the real-life Lord Chief Justice of the seventeenth century, during that period of English history when fear stalked that green and pleasant land and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person could have you up in front of a judge charged with nearly the worst crime of all, treason. Sounds kind of like another bad, more modern, period in history, doesn’t it?

In 1685, Judge Jeffries is sent by London to the West Country, to deal with the soldiers and civilians who aided, abetted and participated in Monmouth’s Rebellion against King James the Second. As always, the sadistic Jeffries (Christopher Lee) is only too happy to help.

He convicts huge numbers of men and women of treason and sentences them to death first by hanging, then they must be revived so they can be drawn and quartered, all the while feeling every modicum of pain. How fiendishly cruel and ghoulish!

The Judge, characterised by his unreasonableness, his total lack of empathy and compassion, his sense of humour bypass and devilish sexual urges, is also busy ‘smelling out witches,’ a dangerous thing indeed if you happen to be a young attractive local woman, with long, free-flowing hair, an ample bosom spilling out over the top of a flouncy, low-cut peasant blouse and a vocabulary designed to utter only two phrases in all:

Woman when being tortured: ‘Stop, please!’

Woman when being raped: ‘Oh, no, please, no!’

Yes, the women in the film are only there to be thoroughly ‘gone over’ for signs of witchcraft by Jack Ketch, the vile executioner, in his horrible underground torture chamber. Women are stripped and subjected to the whip, the rack, branding with a hot iron, the pliers- for extracting teeth- and wholly non-consensual sexual activities.

Ketch, a dead ringer for the sinister Boris Karloff in TOWER OF LONDON (1939), a film in which Basil Rathbone sports a most unflattering hairstyle, watches with his tongue hanging out as Mary Gray, the lead female and a prisoner, kneels naked and licks the bare, whipped body of another beautiful woman who’s suspended from a low ceiling and barely conscious.

In another scene, the Bloody Judge himself seduces-slash-ravages the frightened Mary Gray, who wants it really, as I’m sure you agree… We hear Christopher Lee’s deep, sexy infinitely cultivated voice murmuring sweet nothings over Mary’s naked body while a stunt hand fondles her nudieness, so it’s a bit of a swizz really, like the time I thought it was Chris’s bare behind I was seeing in the 1976 film, TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER, but it was only his stunt double’s…!

Leo Genn of QUO VADIS fame is excellent as the Earl of Wessex, father to Mary’s lover, Harry. There’s a great musical score by Bruno Nicolai, who in his lifetime worked with Ennio Morricone. The ending is quite fitting too, but I won’t spoil it for you, though naturally I’m dying to, haha.

There’s some gorgeous scenery of countryside in the film, known in the USA as NIGHT OF THE BLOOD MONSTER, though I don’t know why, as it doesn’t seem to make any sense to me. I’m not sure in which country the countryside footage was shot; I’m not even sure if it’s English or European.

The film has, of course, been compared to THE WITCHFINDER GENERAL (1968) and Michael Armstrong’s movie, MARK OF THE DEVIL (1970), but all three films have their merits, in my humble opinion, and I love all three of ‘em.Watch them all back-to-back if you can; make an evening of it! And if you like torture chambers and seeing innocent people in terrible agony at the whim of another, well, you’re in for a delicious treat…   

DON’T KNOCK TWICE. (2016) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. Â©

don't knock twice

DON’T KNOCK TWICE. (2016) DIRECTED BY CARADOG JAMES. STARRING KATEE SACKHOFF AND LUCY BOYNTON.

REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

This isn’t the world’s greatest horror film, and it’s a bit confused and even confusing at times, but I liked it enough to watch it twice (the second time was to fill in the gaps left by the first viewing), so it must be review-worthy. In any case, you’re getting this review and liking it, lol.

It’s a mother-child horror film, except the child isn’t an adorable cute baby but a surly teenage girl called Chloe. Chloe was put in an orphanage when she was a nipper because her mother, Jess, was doing drugs and didn’t feel capable of giving Chloe the care she deserved.

Most people would consider that Jess did the right thing in giving the care of Chloe over to someone who could actually do the job properly, but Chloe’s feelings of abandonment, rejection and hurt understandably run really deep.

So, when Jess turns up several years later and asks to have Chloe back, Chloe’s reaction is initially one of hostility. Jess has her life together now. She’s a successful sculptor, married to a rich prick of a businessman (he’s not exactly Mr. Understanding) and living in a fabulous mansion with her hubby.

But Chloe is grateful for a safe place to stay (ie, Jess’s house) when it turns out that a silly game she played with her boyfriend from the children’s home, Danny, has resulted in a nasty female demon being woken from the dead. Dontcha just hate it when that happens, lol.

The demon has taken Danny with her to her underworld hell, but that’s not the end of the matter. Now she’s after Chloe, because Chloe was as responsible for waking her as Danny was. Fair enough, I say. Ya reaps what ya sows.

Chloe flees to Jess’s house, thinking it a safe space to hide from the demon, who takes the form of a horrible black-coloured, crawling, groaning female with elongated stick-arms and stick-legs that give her the appearance of a giant scuttling Shelob-type spider. Poor Chloe doesn’t reckon on the demon being able to travel a lousy couple-a miles. Clearly it has some class of travel card…!

Jess’s house, garden and studio where she sculpts her creepy statues form a good spooky base of operations for the demon. Throw into the mix the following: the ghost of an elderly woman who killed herself after being accused of the abduction of a small boy years ago; the detective who accused her of the child’s abduction; the small boy himself, and, finally, a friend of Jess’s, an artist’s model who pales with fright and heads for the hills when she meets Chloe, because Chloe has been ‘marked’ for possession by a terrible supernatural entity, and there you have yourself the recipe for a pretty good little horror flick.

The film peeps clearly had access to a nice little bit of forest also, which worked really well in the scenes in which Chloe and Jess were pulled through a portal into another dimension.

The so-called ‘witch’s house’ in the film, in which the demon was said to be ‘resting,’ is like the spooky old abandoned house in the two recent IT: CHAPTERS 1 & 2 films, where Pennywise’s domain can be accessed more or less by accident. I don’t know why the people in films get the urge to go into houses like these which are clearly evil and the devil’s own personal stamping-ground, but how-and-ever. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have some of our greatest horror films, I guess.

The film has been likened by Forbidden Planet to DON’T LOOK NOW and CANDYMAN, and the same Forbidden Planet also says that DON’T KNOCK TWICE is ‘one of the best mother-child horror movies since THE ORPHANAGE.’ I’m not saying it’s that good (I don’t think it is!), but it’s definitely worth one watch, anyway. Just don’t do what I did. DON’T WATCH TWICE…

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, poet, short story writer and film and book blogger. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, women’s fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra’s books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO

You can contact Sandra at:

sandrasandraharris@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/SandraHarrisPureFilthPoetry

https://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR… BY SANDRA HARRIS.

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A veritable lucky dip of horror movie reviews, covering everything from old favourites and iconic titles to obscure and forgotten horror films and cult classics. Do you dare dip YOUR hand into this mystery bag of evil, demonic possession and bone-chilling terror…? You do…? Then on your own head be it… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.

Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.

She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:

sandrasandraharris@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/SandraHarrisPureFilthPoetry

https://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

http://sexysandieblog.wordpress.com

http://serenaharker.wordpress.com

https://twitter.com/SandraAuthor